As weird as it still feels to have dating be an exclusively online activity in the 21st century – and there just isn’t a viable way to go back – it’s even weirder being a couple looking for another couple in a niche alternative lifestyle that’s still frowned upon. With a couple seeking another couple, that’s four people whose individual needs have to be taken into account.

To wit, the top sites where you’ll have the most luck include:

#1> Fetlife

On top with an exclamation point, Fetlife is the Facebook of alternative lifestyles. You name it, you’ll find it here, from exhibitionists to Master-slave to LGBTQ to one-kink curious housewives and of course to swingers, the polyamorous, and plain old people who are up for play anywho. Be advised that Fetlife is NOT considered a “personals” site and discourages posting ads in non-personals forums, but there’s plenty of personals forums specifically dedicated to that. Your best bet: throw up a profile, join a few groups of like-minded people, and join a few conversations. You’ll find somebody best this way.


Part of the Adult Friend-Finder network, Alt is the old-school kink, bondage, and BDSM personals website. It’s the most active out of the AFF sites and definitely caters to polys and swingers of every stripe. It does feel quite “old school” and isn’t moderated as well as it could be (watch out for phonies and flakes), but still teeming with activity. As with Fetlife, all orientations, lifestyles, alignments, and varieties are welcome here.

#3> Adult Friend-Finder

The default choice. For years going back to the early World Wide Web, AFF was the only game in town for adult dating. It’s now all but lost to the mists of time as a hundred imitators have risen to take its place. This should only be an option in two cases: (1) You don’t want to wade through kink / bondage / BDSM lifestyles, just focus on swinging, or (2) You want to stick to an older crowd of Baby Boomers and Generation X.

#4> Swingers’ Life Style

SLS is one online personals website which focuses, exclusively, on swinging couples. While it can be accessed for free, you’ll have much better luck as a paid member here.

Other options:

It’s actually quite rare for swingers to be a straight couple who are exclusively focused on Vanilla swinging with another straight couple without any other alternative interests. For instance, one partner may pull the couple into swinging because they’re bi, or masochistic, or have some other need their committed partner isn’t that into. So with that said, you get much more fertile hunting ground if you aim for general pansexual alternative lifestyle sites.

One option is to check into local alt-lifestyle groups. If you live in a major city there’s bound to be one local to you, or you can use Fetlife or Alt to find one. These groups are often free to join and participate in, and have social club atmospheres where you can meet and mingle at places like coffee shops and restaurants. Any alt-group will have something called a “munch,” a regular (monthly / weekly) meeting at a designated place like a bar or other public space where like-minded individuals can meet in a social atmosphere. Local groups are a great option, as at least you have people right there in front of you.