Honestly, we’re not trying to knock anyone’s Lifestyle here. The last thing we want to do is fetish-shame. But there’s a factor going on here, which would make any random sex act be “The One Thing You Must Try.” The random wheel of sexual fortune just happens to have landed on “threesome” in our culture.

The factor is that in Western civilization, especially in America, we have a huge crisis of poor sex education and poor portrayals of sexuality and sexual expression in general. We have puritan religion shaming everything from condoms to LGBTQ people. We have a male-dominated patriarchy which, no matter how enlightened we try to be, still pressures us to treat men like conquering hunters and women like livestock. We have a culture of shame and ridicule attached to more pronounced alternative Lifestyles from Poly to BDSM to everything else.

Threesomes are one of the few kinks that you can admit to in front of the other guys when you’re having a brewski with the blokes. That’s it: You get doggy style, oral, anal, threesomes, and after that, anything else you admit to makes the other guys shuffle aside uncomfortably. Keep it to yourself! Coming from early childhood discoveries of online porn and the wonders thereof, we get to uncloset these few terms as an open expression of exotic sexual appetites, and after that you’re “weird.”

Of course, there are perfectly logical appeals of having a threesome. There’s no mystical secret here, it’s just that having two girls go at one guy makes the guy feel like a king with concubines. He gets four boobs to fondle instead of two, gets a blowjob and a face ride at the same time without worrying about how flexible one partner can be, and, well, there’s one to look at while you plumb the other. Honestly, when you explain it out loud like that, it sounds kind of silly, doesn’t it?

Guys who want to bring this fantasy to life just once are in for a huge disappointment. Your partner is not comfortable doing this. If you both are comfortable, the third wheel you find for this won’t be. If you’re all comfortable, you get the hotel room and find out two of you respond to each other a hell of a lot more while the third person feels left out and jealous. Everybody comes out of their first threesome with about a 90% lower opinion of threesomes than when they started.

But it’s definitely a hot fantasy! And that’s probably where it’s best to keep it, a fantasy for online porn.

Note, none of this should apply to people genuinely interested in a Poly relationship, an open relationship, or other multi-partner Lifestyles. Then it’s a Lifestyle and not just a “threesome” you try once just to cross off a list.

For the rest of us, we’ll all be happier leaving it up to the professionals in online videos who can act out our mini-orgy fantasies without anybody’s personal feelings getting in the way.