From Sensual Service-
Why do you write a journal? Do you find it is a positive thing for you, and if so, in what ways? Is it a public journal? Do you ever find yourself censoring your writings for whoever else might read them?
I originally started blogging when I first moved in with The Knight. It was a way for me to get all my feelings and emotions down and out without going to him with every little problem. I was terribly afraid that my being so needy would be an immediate cause for dismissal. Though he knew nothing about those reasons, he encouraged me to do it because he thought others might benefit from reading about our experiences. Obviously, many things have changed since then.
Once it was a private thing. I wrote without censoring a single thought or feeling, unless I had calmed down and realized something. Then I simply amended it. It was my place, my haven. Until it was found by my ex-husband. Then it was over. Suddenly he and his friends and family were there and not in a quiet kind of way. My personal thoughts, feelings and experiences were being used against me, thrown back in my face and misconstrued. So I stopped writing.
But there was something missing. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t able to handle all the changes in our relationship and in my life without a place to write. So once again, with The Knights encouragement, I began again. I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m stronger, more sure of my place in his life and in this world. I’m no longer worried about confrontations or people taking things out of context. My ex-husband and his new wife and/or their various acquaintances will do with it what they want. What matters is the way I handle my and the things that come my way.
Sometimes I still censor myself. I have made it clear to all involved that some things won’t be mentioned here, but I would gladly tell people about them in an email. I’m not like everyone else in cyberia. And as I posted here, my voice is unique and I will continue to use it.
