More than once I have blogged about Mama and her somewhat antiquated beliefs and operations. Since I was a child I never really understood why she couldn’t be more  cool or more “progressive” but my wishing it never made it so. In her family there is a way things are done and there is a way that they’re not; it’s just that simple.

In light of the changes in my own life recently I knew that I would have to sit down and speak with Mama as frankly as possible. Knowing her the way I do, I knew it was going to be difficult, maybe even impossible to get my point across. Still, I knew I had to try.

Last night she and Dad dropped The Girls off for their weekend with us. Everyone was in relatively high spirits and I was thrilled to see my babies. (Though my oldest looks more like a young woman every single time I see her! She is soooo darn beautiful!) My tummy flip-flopped and I wondered if I would have the courage to actually talk to my mother.

We ordered pizza for the kids and spent some time talking about general things. While The Knight entertained the children I decided to take my mother in another room and be done with it. No time like the present, right?

I calmly explained to her that a lot of things had changed lately in many areas of my life. Some of those things I gave details about, other things I didn’t. I explained that while I loved her and appreciated her willingness to help me out and look out for me, the time had come for her to step aside and let me be the parent.

To her credit, she did listen. She wasn’t hurt or angry. She didn’t yell or fling accusations. She simply listened. (Knock me over with a feather!)

I went on to let her know that The Other Mother and I had reached what basically amounted to a peace treaty of sorts. I detailed some (not all) of the events that had led us to this place, this unfamiliar territory. And like I should have done a long time ago, I made sure she understood fully that many of my actions had led to the breakdown of my first marriage and the continued deterioration of any sort of co-parenting possibilities.

She stunned me by telling me that I was right. She went on to let me know that these were the times that parents both loved and hated, a matured and wise state beyond their own years where the child teaches the parent. And then she agreed to be more decent and more respectful of The Other Mother and her role in the girls lives.

While I don’t expect her to change her behaviors overnight, I do believe that she will try. I think that speaking to her as an adult, as a parent who is determined to make life as wonderful as possible for her children, was what needed to happen. For the first time ever, I think my mother respects me and the position I have taken.

My only hope is that The Other Mother and I can begin to take one another at face value. I hope that she can do the same with Mama if she does actually try. I know that none of this is easy and I know too that when things get uncomfortable it will be all too easy to for any of us to revert back to our barbed wire and bombs as a method of self-preservation. I hope that we can avoid it and instead find the way to stay focused on the bigger picture, the greater good of our families.

I’m curious to see how Mama handles this whole thing. After talking to her, I’m hopeful. Still, it can’t be easy living with these new rules for our old fashioned family.

{Mama started when she first walked in about my oldest daughters choice of nail polish, etc. and I had to let her know immediately that as the mother, blue nail polish was the least of my worries. At almost thirteen I know that there are far worse things that she could be doing, so blue nails (no matter how icky I may think the color is!) are not an issue. Surprisingly, she let it drop and that was that. Score one for me!}

Share/Save/Bookmark