The Butterfly Temptress

I can’t imagine that what I’m about to write is going to make much sense to anyone, if any sense at all. Even after days of being in this new place I don’t fully understand it myself and trying to explain it may prove more than difficult. Still, I have to try because it is so important. It has been an absolute turning point.

Friday when The Knight came home I knew immediately that something was different. He looked the same, smelled the same, and even tasted the same when he kissed me hello. In his demeanor and the way he carried himself was a sense of strength and integrity that I hadn’t seen in a very long time.

As I listened to the man who has shared my life intimately for the last three years I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face. My heart raced and my breathing grew ragged; my chest ached and I was sure that the end had finally come. No one person could possibly stand the roller coaster for as long as he has and still want to ride. Every fear, every doubt, every insecurity showed on my face and I felt my control begin to slip.

He paused for a breath and I let loose. I told him that I wished he would have told me before he married me that he couldn’t handle it. I yelled about the injustice of being put in a position to have no choice but to once again admit defeat. I lamented the unfairness of changing so much to please him that I could barely recognize myself. Until I couldn’t breathe enough to speak, I cried and I raged, inconsolable and out of control.

Until he sat beside me on our bed and pulled me close.

“What I was trying to tell you if you would have let me finish is that I’m here for the long haul. I’m not going anywhere, not now. Not ever. I married you because there is nowhere else I’d rather be and no one else I want to spend my life with.”

I was so ashamed, but at the same time I suddenly felt so free. As he continued to talk and open his heart to me I felt my heart soar. All the love and hope that I felt, the intensity of the emotions welled to overflowing and I was sure my heart would burst. I let the walls fall and instead allowed myself to be surrounded by his loving arms.

In the days that have passed the bond has only become stronger. Gone are the pretenses and tiptoeing. The walls that I’d built to protect myself as a child have started to crumble and disappear by the second and there are no words to describe how it feels to trust and believe in someone so completely. Every conversation, every touch has been another fiber that weaves us into one incredible being.

Never have I felt closer to The Knight and I see it in his eyes that he feels the same. We’ve opened up to one another and blossomed beyond our borders in a way that I’d only dreamed we could and it has made every day so amazing. Our differences are there, but they’re no longer the focus, instead our love is. The time spent worrying about our relationship, my submission and his Dominance are moot. In getting rid of the walls we’ve once more allowed the trust and lifestyle to flow freely.

In all my dreams, through all the days of my short life, never could I have imagined something so undeniably perfect as when our two became one.