The Knight and I have plans in a couple of weeks to take our children as well as some of his family to a local amusement park. I dread the thought of going. I like his family and ten years ago it would have been fun. Now I am sick with dread. Instead of hiding from him exactly why I don’t want to go, I sent him the following email and explained it as well as I possibly could. There’s something so incredibly cathartic about coming clean!

Hi Sugar

We’re a little less than two weeks away from our planned Kennywood trip with your family and our collective hoodlums. I know you’ve teased me about riding the roller coasters and I know I’ve played it off as being afraid of heights but I’ve not been honest with you. I don’t think I’ve ever said a word to anyone and I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but maybe I just want you to understand and not push the issue when the time comes.

*deep breath*

I love amusement parks. I may be terrified of heights and scream my head off at every twist and turn, but I love roller coasters. I’d love nothing more than to ride every ride with you then ride every ride with our collective hoodlums. But the fact of the matter is- I’m too fat for the rides. As I sit and write this I am horribly ashamed of not only having lied to you about why I hate the thought of going, but because I am humiliated at the thought of going to a place like that looking the way I do. It seems that my commitment to lose weight has come too late.

There is no doubt in my mind that you love me, no doubt in my mind that you accept me just the way I am. I’m glad you do, but I don’t. I’m terrified that I will be this way my entire life and I don’t want to be. Yes, I come from a long line of curvy, voluptuous women that have big butts, wide hips, and pillow soft stomachs and I know that what I want to do is going against what God gave me. The thing is, now more than ever I have so much to live for. I want to be healthy when I’m 50, not just at 30. I want to be around to see our kids graduate from college, fall in love and have children. I don’t want the boys to be able to make remarks about how fat I am, or have any of the kids be embarrassed by the way I look. More than that- if you ever decide to make me your wife, I want to be a beautiful bride for you. I want to look good in our pictures, wear a beautiful gown and I want to hear people say how pretty I look- I want you to be proud of me, proud of the way I look, proud to be seen with me.

So please try not to pick on me too much about this trip to Kennywood. I promise that next year at this time when we go, I’ll be small enough to fit on the rides with you, small enough to not embarrass you, myself, or our families by being too fat to ride the rides. Hopefully you understand now why I won’t ride this year and why investing in a treadmill as well as a weight loss program are so important to me.

I love you.
~Yours~

I don’t know how he’ll respond, but I’ve asked him not to mention it when we’re face to face. I can’t bear it. As soon as I can afford it, I’m going to do as I’ve said. I’m going to invest in a treadmill and invest in a diet program. It’s long past time to do this and I am determined. Not to worry- I promise to keep everyone up to date.

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“Strength and honor are her clothing, she shall rejoice in the days to come” Proverbs 31:25

I found this on a site geared towards those who wish to better understand the Bible. I’d said my prayers, meditated a bit and asked God to help me through whatever the summer brings. I’m worried about having all five children in the house, worried that they won’t get along and that it will put a wedge between The Knight and I. Instead of worrying alone, I left it in Gods hands and asked him to be my guide now more than ever. So, when it was said and done, I clicked on the link and this was the verse that came up. I like to think that it was more than a coincidence, that it really was an answered prayer.

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I’m in the guts of hell. It’s ninety some degrees outside and just about that in our house. The house that is supposed to have central air. Needless to say, The Knight and I were less than thrilled this weekend when we discovered our cute little cottage was in fact an oven in disguise. To make matters worse, the property manager knew all along that the air hadn’t been installed yet but he chose not to tell us- he even went so far as to mark ‘air conditioned’ on the actual lease. What an ass! When confronted he tried to say that he told us, but that didn’t fly and we told him as much. So now the story is they’ll be here sometime before Thursday to install it. I hope so because man is it hot in here.{My wonderful Master has agreed to go later and purchase a wiindow unit air conditioner for our room, so at least we will get some quality sleep- which is better than the tossing, turning and sweating we did all weekend.}

This weekend the girls will arrive for the summer. I am so excited I can’t hardly stand it! I’m nervous of course, but more than anything I am thrilled that they’ll be here. The Knight has agreed to keep all five of our collective hoodlums with him the weeks he works from home, so I only have to find day care for the off weeks. It will certainly help save some money which means more funds for the summer and for our house fund. Tomorrow we’ll be buying their beds and mattresses so everything will be set up for them when they come this weekend. I want so badly for them to understand that this is their home, not just a place they visit.

With the heat and the hoodlums The Knight and I were definitely out of our lovemaking routines. I was more than ready for him today and he surprised me by making love to me oh so sweetly. I’ll never tell him, but making love with him face to face is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced. I get to see the look in his eyes, the expressions on his face and the sensations are exquisite with perfectly placed pressure against my clit. I don’t know what I did to deserve a man who is so tender and so damn hot, but I’m quite thankful.

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(Note: there are no “official” words to Taps
below are the most popular.)

Day is done,
gone the sun,
From the hills,
from the lake,
From the skies.
All is well,
safely rest,
God is nigh.

Go to sleep,
peaceful sleep,
May the soldier
or sailor,
God keep.
On the land
or the deep,
Safe in sleep.

Love, good night,
Must thou go,
When the day,
And the night
Need thee so?
All is well.
Speedeth all
To their rest.

Fades the light;
And afar
Goeth day,
And the stars
Shineth bright,
Fare thee well;
Day has gone,
Night is on.

Thanks and praise,
For our days,
‘Neath the sun,
Neath the stars,
‘Neath the sky,
As we go,
This we know,
God is nigh.

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I watched the flag pass by one day.
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
and then he stood at ease.
I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud,
He’d stand out in any crowd.
I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil?
How many mothers’ tears?
How many pilots’ planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldiers’ graves?
No, freedom isn’t free.

I heard the sound of taps one night,
when everything was still
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That taps had meant “Amen,”
When a flag had draped a coffin
Of a brother or a friend.
I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives,
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard
At the bottom of the sea
Of unmarked graves in Arlington..
No freedom isn’t free.

~Copyright 1981 By [email protected]
LCDR Kelly Strong, USCG~
Here with permission

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Just a few of the things I’ve done in Paint Shop Pro. I did most of these for a list I used to help run and even if they’re mediocre at best, I loved doing them.

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She stepped from the shower and grabbed the towel off the rack. Yesterday she’d had her nails done, so she was ahead of the game. When the alarm sounded bright and early, she had been awake for hours. Wrapping her hair in the towel, she made her way into her bedroom.

Pulling her bra and panties from the drawer, she tossed them onto the bed. Glancing at them with a look of trepidation, she wondered about the sanity of what she was doing. In her heart she knew he was “the one” but what if he thought differently once he was there? With a sigh, she turned to the mirror.

Letting the towel drop, she examined herself in the mirror. For years she’d wanted to change it. She’d worked hard to get the body all women wanted, the body men lusted after, but it was still not anywhere close. She lifted her breasts, feeling decent about them. After breast-feeding, they were still pretty perky, but nowhere near big enough.

Her hands skimmed down her sides and over the swell of her hips. Genetics had definitely given her the Hispanic hips and ass. Not that she had ever minded before, really. Real women have curves. As a woman when she noticed the beauty of another woman, she was always attracted to women who were voluptuous. With an anxious sigh, she wondered what he would think.

Would he see the stretch-marked skin, the hips & ass, and the rounded tummy where she’d carried her babies as unattractive? She wasn’t tiny, and he’d seen her pictures, even the unflattering ones, but that meant nothing. Would he be as critical of her as she was of herself? She mentally shrugged off the possibility and smiled confidently. There was no way it wouldn’t be ok. It was too right, too real.

Letting her mind drift off, her hands began to wander. She pulled her hair over to the side, loving the feel of its silky softness against her bare skin. She lay down against the pillows and followed her thoughts of the man she was about to meet. Blonde hair and blue eyes had never been her thing. No man with those features had ever caught her attention much less turned her on. He had. In a slow and steady way, he’d captured her heart, her soul, then her body.

She caressed her breasts, wondering what his touch would feel like. Would he make love to her slowly, gently, or would it be a fast, lust-filled fuck? Both possibilities filled the place between her thighs with warmth. She ached somewhere deep inside, in places she didn’t even know existed. The mere thought of him had opened a side of her that she had long ago left behind.

Trailing her hands farther south, she found her clit, swollen and sensitive, and stroked it gently. A soft moan escaped her lips and a shiver ran down her spine. With a steady rhythm, she worked herself over, imagining not her own fingers, but the fingers of the man of her dreams. As she plunged two fingers deep into her wet cunt, she felt the start of her powerful climax. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over her as his name tore from her lips as a half moan, half scream.

Forcing herself to get off the bed and get dressed, she couldn’t help but blush. They hadn’t discussed sex, really, or the possibility of it happening. So, it was a good thing she’d taken the edge off. She’d be less likely to succumb to his charms, less likely to succumb to the temptation of allowing the man who would share her bed for one night take the thing meant for the one she wanted for the rest of her life.

She paced the length of the apartment nervously. In a matter of minutes, he’d finally be here- in her home. Her heart skipped a beat as the closing of a car door brought her back to reality. Two seconds later, the door bell rang. In what felt to her like slow motion, she made her way downstairs to let him in.

For one brief second they just smiled, then stepped into one another’s arms. She breathed in the scent of him as he pulled her closer. His body against hers felt so right. She’d stepped out of reality into her wildest dream come true. They were truly strangers no more.

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A chance meeting
Somewhere south of space
In an instant I knew
The hurt of the past was the hurt you’d erase

Whispered pleas
Far from expectations of perfection
Simply stated and highly desired
love without limitations
Heading in the right direction

Wishes on stars for a love that would last
Are finally coming true
With every word you say
Everything you do
Utter faith and complete trust
I’ve found their true meaning with you

I don’t know where we’re headed
But I know just where we’ve been
It’s like comparing sunshine and shadows
When they fall I never want to be there again
I’d rather be wrapped in the arms of
my lover, my soul mate, my best friend

I always thought of myself as independent
Needing no one, but the wanting was there
I find that I’m looking forward to tomorrow
Forward to the rest of my life
And to a million new opportunities to know and love you.

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I am a hybrid of: Uptown Girl Progressive Girl Click on the pictures below to read more: Take the ‘What Kind of Girl Are You?’ quiz at CookingToHookup.com

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