Uninspired
Blogging, Cancer, Life, Love, Relationships November 18th, 2008I’m sorry that I have been so silent. I apologize for being so out of touch. Right now real life doesn’t afford me the opportunity to write.
I’ve been sad and lonely. I’m feeling more than a little introspective, completely wrapped up in myself. Well, not completely but I might as well be.
My Grandmother has been placed in a nursing home. She was admitted directly from the hospital on Monday and it breaks my heart. She isn’t reeady for it and I don’t think she will fare well there.
I feel as if I have let my family down. When I became a nurse I promised I would care for my family. I swore to do it so they would never have to turn to a nursing home and I have let them down. It breaks my heart in ways that you can’t possibly imagine.
Add to it the fact that The Knight and I are…at odds…and it makes for a very difficult place to be. I know we love one another. I know that we’re good together. I just don’t know that he’s happy and that tears me apart. Even if it means not being married to me, I want him to be happy, to love his life.
So there you have it. I’m feeling lonely. Alone. Unloved. And most assuredly, uninspired.
November 18th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
At your darkest moments, you have friends and readers here who really care about you, even if you haven’t met most of them face to face. *hug* If you just need to talk, you have my email. Feel free to use it.
For the record, a few years ago, my mammy had to be admitted into a nursing home, not because we didn’t love her, as I’m sure is not the case here either. She had to be closer to her treatment center, which would have been a daily 2 hour drive otherwise. She cried a lot and it was a bad time for our family at first, but she actually ended up liking it! She made some friends and enjoyed the activities. Sure, it wasn’t home, but hopefully your grandmother will be able to make the most of it too.
Rori´s last blog post..Daddy is Comingggggggggg…
November 18th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
A powerful song. I love her. I hope you realize you are not everybody’s fool. I can somewhat understand how someone fighting cancer can stress a family. I lost my father to cancer .. wow… 9 years ago. I remember wanting to do everything possible to help and hold on to hope and on the flip side, I remember complaining (to my self) of how demanding this change all is. I felt guilty for feeling such a way. I can only imagine that your family is going through the same things. . There is that mix between feeling hope and feeling stress and feeliong loss. hang in there sweeetie. You are loved.
mina´s last blog post..a word on wanking
November 18th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Aww sweety…you are not alone and certainly not unloved
Email or twitter me anytime you want to talk to just vent.
Kisses. Max.
November 19th, 2008 at 6:40 am
*hugs* You are no way alone my sweet. You have crossed my mind more than a few times this past week. You are a true sweet girl who worries about everyone else and has so much love to give. Be easy on yourself xxx
November 19th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I’ll add to the virtual hugs.
You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve been handed. I know you will have your feelings, but I’ll ask you be as compassionate for yourself as you’d have for a friend in your situation.
gilette´s last blog post..A Celebration
November 19th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Baby, please don’t beat yourself up because your circumstances have changed your life beyond your control. You can only do your best with what you have at the moment. We all know you would move heaven and earth if it was within your power to do so. You are a very generous, passionate soul who feels things very deeply, and my life has become richer since I’ve known you. Because of you, I don’t feel so alone. Bless you.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:38 am
My mother currently is working in a Nursing home for the last 15 years. I hope your grandmother adapts well there.
November 20th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I’ve experienced some of my darkest moments in 2008 - you are not alone, please remember that. The fact that you continue to write and share your parts of yourself through these times is inspiring in and of itself. *hugs*
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:06 am
So sorry to hear about your Grandmother, Sweetie. It’s very difficult to see a loved one go to a nursing home. I wish you all the best.
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Stay strong, girl. We all love you and are here supporting you. Sorry for commenting so late, but I felt that I really had to break my silence and give you a message.
The people around you will always love you, whether you have the ability to care for them personally or not. You are not letting them down.
The only way you can let us all down is if you don’t take good care of yourself.
Stay strong, be happy, and make us proud.
Wanda´s last blog post..Winter day
November 23rd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
You’re in a rough spot these days, and it’s ridiculous for anyone, especially **YOU**, to think that you can carry the whole world on your shoulders. You haven’t let anyone down, certainly not your grandmother. Things in life, like cancer and old age, happen and you cannot control that! I am not going to tell you that things will be okay, because I don’t know that. But I do know people love you, and you aren’t alone.