Today
Blogging, Cancer, Life, Love, Paying It Forward, Relationships February 16th, 2009Right now I sit here wrapped in a tattered old towel, still dripping from a lukewarm shower. My fingers tremble and my tummy is rolling. I know that this is really nothing new, this visiting the oncologist. It’s old hat. Still, it isn’t and I am so very nervous…and excited…and terrified.
Today begins Phase II of the clinical trial and nothing else matters. Not my marriage. Not our finances. Not the fact that my 32nd birthday is right around the corner. I am focused simply on the here and now, on the possibilities and promises this next phase hold for me and my life.
My bag is packed for the day ahead. My pink laptop. My pink Zune. My pink Nintendo DS. A blank notebook to jot down thoughts and questions. Everything I need to keep the boredom at bay until my turn comes.
I need to be present. I need to let all the rest slip away and stay focused on remission. One step, then another and another until I get to where I want to be. Oh yes, being alive now, when they swore I wouldn’t be is a huge thing, but it is not enough. Only remission is enough.
So this moment, this day is for me. For my health; for my well-being; for the rest of my life.
May today be as full of hope and promise for each and every one of you.
