I’ve been away from the blogosphere for a little while and I’d be lying if I said I missed it. The fact is, I have been so focused on the journey at hand that I really didn’t miss this place at all. I did, however, miss the people that have made my life so wonderful. So, I figured it was time to come back.

The last round of chemo didn’t do anything more than leave me in a holding pattern. On May first I will find out of the most recent round did anything. At the same time I will start the next part of Phase two. And this is the part where I resist the temptation to whine and insist on throwing in the towel. I’m thankful for the opportunity to continue on with the trial. I’m just more than a little tired of being the human guinea pig. I am so ready to have my life back, to be the active person I was before all of this.

To help prepare me for that time, I’ve been staying on the Weight Watchers program. In three weeks I have lost a total of 9.8 pounds. I’m working on adding more activity to my daily routine, but it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. Still, I know it’s important if I want to be successful. Surprisingly enough I really do feel better on the days that I use the treamill. An added bonus for me is the water intake. I hate it, but I have found that getting my 64oz a day in is easy when I use two water bottles and keep them chilled. One of the most surprising things for me is seeing a physical difference so early into the process. It’s a great way to stay positive and on track.

As I try to stick to the plan, I am learning more about myself and my habits. I am figuring out what triggers my inability to resist overeating. If I am bored, I tend to want to eat. If I am feeling even the least bit stressed, I tend to gravitate towards things like chocolate frosting right out of the container. While I am far from being an expert, I think I am figuring out what is working for me.

The Knight and I are not as close as we used to be. He is still working from home since I can’t be by myself yet, but our contact is limited. He works during the day and I do my thing. In the evenings he works on his computer while I pass time writing or watching movies. I haven’t asked or even hinted at wanting sex in a long time and suddenly he wants it. It is what it is and it doesn’t bother me anymore that it’s less than great or infrequent. The more time I spend on my own self-improvement and self-care, the less I miss physical intimacy. In my heart of hearts I know it’s only a matter of time before we admit defeat.

This week I will be doing a couple more reviews. So, check in for those. Also, please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions you may have for losing weight. I have a lot to lose, so if you’ve lost over 100lbs and you have some awesome tricks to make it easier, let me know. I hate to feel like I am going it alone.

{A special thanks to The Other Mother for her continuued support and friendship. I can’t tell you what a difference it has made for me to have us be on the same side, to be allied in the raising of our two beautiful girls. I really believe that my stress is minimal and healing is being maximized because we’re in this together, instead of being completely at odds.}

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