So it’s the day before my birthday. A birthday they swore I would never see. Tomorrow I will be able to rejoice and celebrate the fact that I was one of the lucky ones who defied the odds. Oh, I know that I’m not out of the woods yet. If I would forget, the neatly lined prescription bottles on my desk would remind me that I have a long way to go. Still, to be here, to be alive when they said I wouldn’t be…it’s just amazing.

As part of my new plan for living out loud, tomorrow is the day that I will officially begin Weight Watchers. I’ve dusted off my treadmill(a gift from Mama who was no longer using it), found my Nikes, and asked The Knight for a great pedometer. My refrigerator is full of frozen vegetables, low-fat milk and yogurt and the all important water bottle. Though I have tried to Weight Watchers before, it’s different this time. Back then it was just about losing weight. This time around it’s about changing my lifestyle and my relationship with food. (And I found the coolest journal to use while I am doing this. Catalina told me that writing things down really helped her in her weight loss journey, so I am taking my friends advice and giving it a go!)

Since I am making 2009 the year that I become a better version of myself, I am also attending Sex 2.0 in Washington, DC in May. With great speakers and great bloggers in attendance I can’t imagine a better way to mix and meet and find out how I can do more by way of activism. I feel that after four years of blogging it’s time to do more with my site than offer a peek into my own life and give readers reviews. While I admit that some of the things will be easier to do in a larger city, I’m hoping to find ways to help and spread the word here in Pittsburgh and I can’t think of a better way to get started than by spending time with people like Audacia Ray and Elizabeth Wood. I look forward to seeing everyone there, so be sure to register. {If you can’t attend but you’d like to show your support you can do so here.}

If you’re making 2009 your own year of self-discovery through weight loss, activism or even through writing (I’m determined that this is the year I see my writing published), drop me a line. I’d love to hear more about your plans and your goals. Maybe we can offer one another support along the way.

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Just a bit of fun on this cloudy Pittsburgh day. If you follow the link and do one of your own, please be sure to leave a comment or link back so I can see yours.

Get your twitter mosaic here.

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Please join me in celebrating a wonderful new home for Life. Love. Cancer! After months of thinking about it and wondering which direction to go with it, Life. Love. Cancer. will now have its own dot com.

We’re still working on it, tweaking and perfecting bits and pieces but so far, it’s a go. Not only will the articles have a place to live that is safe for work (and sharing among friends and family!) we will also be carving out a place for all things related. From news about the latest cancer research and technologies to relationship advice, Life. Love. Cancer. will cover it all.(For those who have asked for a place to share your thoughts on childhood abuse, we’ve included that too! As survivors, a place to gather and celebrate will be a wonderful addition.)

Thanks to everyone who made it possible. All the late night chats, last minute design tips, and pep talks really have paid off. Please be sure to join us and let us know what you think**.

**If you’re interested in contributing to Life. Love. Cancer please email us at [email protected]

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What? Sex 2.0
When? Saturday, May 9 2009
Where? Washington, D.C.

If you are part of the sex blogging CommUNITY at all, then you have already heard about, read about, or written about Sex 2.0. I didn’t hear about it last year, but once I saw Match’s Tweet about it, I needed to know more.

I read about the event in 2008 and knew immediately that I wanted to attend, no matter what. Then as I read a little more I knew I *really* wanted to attend but as I am not a conventional sex blogger, I worried that the fit might not be right. And their session topics? As much as I’d like to think that I’m evolved and educated, the truth is, not so much. I mean seriously, fat chick like me at an event with people like Audacia Ray, Catalina, and Ellie Lumpesse? Yeah right. So I put it on my back burner.

Time passed and more updates came. I mulled it over, subscribed to the Google group and let it settle in for a few days. I did an intro and expressed that I had no real experiences, so even if I attended it would be as an observer, not as someone who actually had something to say.

I registered for Sex 2.0 mere minutes ago. I reserved two tickets, one for The Knight and one for myself. Whether I have anything to say or anything of value to add, this is an event that I want to attend. I want to hear what the fabulously evolved and educated individuals have to say. I want to walk away knowing that I learned something new, something that I can carry into the rest of my life and apply that knowledge accordingly and (hopefully) for the greater good.

Some of the people you will find at Sex 2.o 2009

• Audacia Ray
• CARAS
• Cunning Minx
• Elizabeth Wood
• Ellie Lumpesse
• Erik Van Riper
• Match
• Melissa Gira
• Nikol Hasler
• NoVaHedonist
• Renegade Evolution
• Sabrina Morgan
• Viviane

So won’t you take the time and spend the weekend in with me in Washington D.C.? (Not for me, but for all the people listed above!)

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Right now, as we all know, the economy sucks. We’re passing on the cruises and the trips in favor of saving our pennies for a rainy day. Instead of dining out, America is staying home and making use of the sky high utilities for cooking things like pigs in a blanket and shepherds pie. For those if us who are against Kraft mac n cheese and Cup o Noodles, what choices do we have?

I finally found an answer for this wanna-be foodie-

BrokeAss Gourmet

That’s right. BrokeAss Gourmet has the answers foodies living on a budget have been looking for. So cruise on over and have a look. Be astounded. Then be sure to pass it along to all your wanna-be foodie friends. Then get rid of the ramen.

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So far it seems that 2009 is looking like the promising year my horoscope predicted. I must say that I feel it’s long overdue. Finally, some good news that leaves me feeling positive and upbeat.

On Monday I received the results of my last scans. It would seem that the clinical trial resulted in a 4% reduction of the tumor. Woohooo! I know to some 4% isn’t really anything, but to me and my oncologists it is a MAJOR deal, especially when you consider that nothing has worked so far.

So the plan is to have Januray off to let my body rest. At the end of the month I will go back for another scan and more baseline bloodwork. Starting in February it’s back to the chemo. I don’t know yet if it will be oral or IV or if I will have to do the whole radiation rotation again, but either way, I’m thrilled. Not everyone who was part of the trial saw an improvement (which saddens me greatly) so not all of us will be continuing on.

What else?

Oh yes, I nearly forgot!

If you read this post, you will be happy to know that the person responsible has been identified. We’re not shocked I suppose. I just don’t know which direction to go, considering the situation. I have a family to think of and I need to do what is best for my family and for my children.

For those of you who supported me, despite their best efforts to “prove” that I was a fake and a phony, thank you. The last couple of months have shown me who my friends are. I’m hurt and disheartened that some were not true friends, but the loss of them makes me more appreciative of those that I have.

So, I think the year is off to a fantastic start. Hopefully it’s the same for you and yours.

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To all of you, near and far, from me and mine. I hope your holidays are everything you hoped they would be. I wish you and yours peace and love and the happiest of all new years.

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Oh so many things have led me to this place. I hang my head in shame. I cry hot and furious tears of humiliation then just as quickly wipe them away. I am not this woman and this is not the life I’d imagined.

It is so hard for me to accept the kindness of others, not because I’m ungrateful but because I’m not used to being in the position to do so. Please, before you think me ungrateful and wretched, hear me out.

Before this place, before this life, this was my thing. Paying it forward, making someones day, were the things I lived for.

I had a patient once, a beautiful baby girl with special needs, who belonged to a family so full of love that it broke my heart. The father lost his job when he was trying to care for his child and the mother was fresh out of rehab. Seeing her baby born with all the problems and deformities was enough to send her for help. This family was trying like hell to pull it together and keep it together, but they were struggling.

They had no Chrstmas tree. They had no money for presents. They could barely keep the power on for the machines to keep their baby going. Still, they held one another and laughed and tried desperately to make it a happy time for themselves and their other children.

Seeing that kind of love and devotion was all I needed. The family deserved someone to reach out to them. They were trying and to be commended. They didn’t need a hand out, they needed a hand up.

It was almost forty-eight hours later, on Chritsmas Eve at about a quarter to midnight when we finally got to their house. We weren’t Santa and my mothers Tahoe wasn’t a sleigh, but it was full to overflowing with clothes and food and presents. It was the least we could do for people who were trying so desperately to get it together.

In less than forty-eight hours we’d pulled together a miracle. A moment for a family that they would never forget. A miracle that the brought the parents and grandparents to tears.

I could tell you of the others, but they’re not important, really. I mean, those times were important to me, because I felt so right and so good about the smiles and relief on the faces of those I’d been blessed to know. But they’re just examples to you, words on a page that you may not even take the right way.

Now here I am, in a situation of my own that I’m so unsure of. These times are hard on everyone I know, not just my family. Still, so many of you have poured your hearts, souls, and blog posts into doing something amazing.

I feel so unworthy and saying thank you seems so inadequate.

I’m speechless. I’m emotional.

For those of you who love me, for those who still remember me…

I am humbled.

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I can’t tell you how blessed I am. Just know that I understand it and I know it. In my heart of hearts, deep in my soul, I know that I am so very blessed.

So, to all of my friends in the CommUNITY, thank you.

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Adult product reviews from the last two weeks from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #1? Read it all here. Do you Have a review for Pleasurists #3? Submit it here before Sunday November 9th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Agent Ansley’s Win a Jaguar contest deadline November 5th 11:59 PM EST
Swag Contest: When I think of Essin’ Em deadline November 8th at 11:59pm MST.

Looking for some toys to review?
Wanted! Sex Toy Reviewers. Apply Within. Free Products Supplied.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick
Njoy Pure Wand by Dangerous Lilly
“I have heard that the G-spot is more swollen and “receptive” after a clitoral orgasm, so I laid there for a bit with the wand still in me, idly playing. Soon, playing in earnest. And then I brought out the Hitachi.
Oh yes, I did.
I combined the two best toys in my arsenal.
Wanna know the result??”

The Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators
Lust Objectified – Meet Nea by Domina Doll
Nice Try Durex – Durex play vibrations focus by Epiphora
The Miracle Massager plus Attachment by Rori of Between My Sheets
Buzz 1 by Essin’ Em
Sweet G Vibe and The Mini Mini Mouse by Betty Rocket
G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator by Long Distance Sub

Dildos
Bandito by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Pure Wand from Njoy by Betty Rocket
Natural Contours Energie Kegel Exerciser by Stiletto Diaries

Anal Toys
Double Dare by Agent Ansley
The Nexus Titus by Jack of Writing Dirty

Erotic Books
Yes, Sir by That Toy Chick
The Leather Daddy and the Femme by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Adult Movies
Review of Zack and Miri Make a Porno by Audacia Ray
Perversions of Lesbian Lust by Catalina Loves
The Erotic Witch Project by Hot Movies for Her
Girls Who Lust by Epiphora

Miscellaneous
Penis Cupcake Pan by The Countess – Elizabeth Black

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