Courtesy of Sextoy.com

Since starting my site almost four years ago I have had the opportunity to partner with several different companies for reviews. As we move forward to what will hopefully be year five I have finally found a small number of reliable sources dedicated to bringing quality products to the consumer. The newest one is Sextoy.com.

The first item I will be reviewing is the Infrared Rechargeable Massager.

When it first arrived I couldn’t help but look at it in its clear plastic package and wonder what it was really used for. It came with three attachments which reminded me of something out of a bad sci-fi movie and I was more than a bit intimidated. Still, I know not to judge a book (or in this case, a sex toy!) by its cover, so I unwrapped it.

The head swiveled and I could see where the angle might be good for those hard to reach places. As a massager it really did offer a lot by way of bells and whistles. Sturdy construction, three unique attachments, swivel head, and infrared heat on the low setting. I plugged in the a/c adapter and waited the recommended twelve hours.

Once my twelve hours was up I took the infrared rechargeable massager to bed with me. Since it was marketed as a massager I used it as one. It felt great on my neck and shoulders, but massaging yourself is different than having someone else use it on you. So, I handed it to The Knight who proceeded to use it on my middle and lower back. I really liked the low setting with the infrared heat. It was a nice change of pace against my skin and seemed to help my muscles. All in all, it wasn’t bad.

Now, since this is a sex toy review, I knew I had to go down south with it. That is where the toy really disappointed me. If you have ever used a Hitachi wand and you’re thinking that this might be fun to compare, just forget about it. Not only did it begin to lose its charge within ten minutes of removing it from the a/c adapter, the vibrations were not intense enough to do more than tease my girly bits. {On the other hand, the intensity of the vibrations were just right for my husband and his man parts.}

If you’re looking for the best bang for your buck then I would suggest something else. If you’re looking to use this simply as a massage device for yourself and your partner then this is an affordable and efficient one to take a look at. Over all, it’s not the best product and it’s certainly not the worst product.

Email this post

For too long it’s been missing. For too long it’s been ignored. The dance of avoidance was well-practiced until it was almost an art form.

Then in one evening, with one conversation, it was there once more.

Desire.

My heart raced and my body began to respond as his hands caressed my skin. I sighed and arched my back, careful to press my body closer to his hand. In porn movies the women always purred or moaned but all I could do was sigh and arch closer. This was no porn movie.

I reached out to touch him. My fingers traced a trail from his hairless chest to his navel. He sighed and moaned then followed my movements and arched his back.

It crossed my mind to lick and kiss my way down his body. With a smile and a sigh I kissed his mouth then dropped to follow the trail my fingers had traced. His skin was salty and sweet and though I’m sure I imagined it, he tasted of arousal.

His hands found my body once more and I was certain I’d explode. We explored one another intimately and thoroughly, afraid that what we found that night would disappear come Monday morning. As his hands moved me into position for his entry I marveled at my own arousal. Despite the pain medicine and chemo, I was wet and ready for him.

It felt like we were joined for an eternity. He entered me slowly and took his time, sensually stroking my swollen lips and throbbing clit. He paused to lick my bottom then impaled me with his cock once more.

We came together and it seemed to go on endlessly in the most delicious way. Tears clouded my vision and my mouth was dry. When it was over my muscles ached and my body was shaking.

I loved once more knowing just how awesome it is to experience desire.

Email this post

It seems that I am sleeping a lot more than usual lately. The doctors tell me it’s a good thing, to go ahead and sleep as much as I can because my body needs the rest. One trip up the stairs and I am completely knackered, in a hurry to slide beneath the blankets and slip into his arms.

But there are other things that I want; other things that leave me breathless and yearning.

I long to feel his hands tangled in my hair as he holds my head to his crotch. I ache to gag and cough from taking his cock too deep into my mouth. I want to be held in place and have my mouth filled to overflowing with his sweet and sticky essence.

In my heart of hearts I want to shrug off the love. Instead, I want to find my wrists and ankles bound with rope. I want to tug and struggle while knowing all along that there will be no escape until he says so. I want to cry and let go. I want to lose myself in the man who wields the flogger.

Right now I am tired of holding it all together. I am tired of being in control. I’m fed up with the passing hint of passion. I want full on desire and lust.

I want to skip a dose or two of pain medicine so I can feel the full effect of his hands against my skin. I want to be present and I want to be on fire. I want to kneel and serve and be completely at someone elses mercy.

And in the morning, I want to trace the black and blue marks with my fingertips. I want to walk gently because my fat ass has been used well. I want to close my eyes and remember every second of torture and torment; every second of exquisite ecstasy.

I just want to be me.

Email this post

I don’t think I knew the proper way to give a man oral pleasure until him. With his hand wrapped around mine to show me the proper rhythm and a steady stream of whispered instructions my face burned. For as long as I could remember I was told how well I did when it came to fellatio. Now I was being told that there was room for improvement.

I wanted to please him, so I kept silent. I listened to what he said and struggled to get it right. Less friction. Mind the sac. Smooth and fluid motions, girl. That’s it. Like that.

My head filled with thoughts of leaving him hanging. I mean, how dare he tell me how to improve? Then I realized that I was being given an awesome opportunity. I knew we wouldn’t last. I knew that this would not be the last blowjob ever, so why not look at the whole thing as sort of a blowjob boot camp?

The weekend continued on and I soaked his wisdom up like a thirsty sponge. I practiced and pondered. I experimented and exalted. And when the weekend was over, I walked away knowing that the weekend had been a waste of time in every other way, but at least I walked away with knowledge that most women miss out on.

To this day I remember every second of that weekend with him. Every single time I lay between The Knights thighs and touch my tongue to the tip of his cock, I remember what I was taught. When I have teased and tortured just enough to make him squirm and thrust his hips upward in an effort to finish deep within my throat, I remember.

Then I swallow every single drop. Just like I was taught.

Email this post

Not too long ago I was at my local Barnes & Noble looking for ways to pass time. I’d received a couple gift cards from people who know what a bibliophile I am and I couldn’t wait to use them. In the section where I always find the most lovely journals, I found a write-in book titled Love Listography by Lisa Nolan. As a way to keep myself busy and you (the reader) entertained, I won’t fill it out. Instead, I will post my answers here.

List The People You’ve Kissed

• Jason K.
• Jason L.
• Jamie T.
• Jamie S.
• Tarius
• Eric G.
• Conte
• Matt S.
• Eric W.
• Rodney B.
• Rodney P.
• Anthony
• Brian G.
• Beckie
• Christie
• Holly
• Jenn
• David B.
• Dawn
• Kurt
• Amy
• Brad
• Travers
• Brian B.
• The Knight

{It seems as if I have kissed more than my fair share of people and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Actually, it kind of makes me feel cheap and sleazy. Still, in an effort to be more open, to find out more about myself and where I have been, I think this is going to be a good thing to continue.}

Email this post

What? Sex 2.0
When? Saturday, May 9 2009
Where? Washington, D.C.

If you are part of the sex blogging CommUNITY at all, then you have already heard about, read about, or written about Sex 2.0. I didn’t hear about it last year, but once I saw Match’s Tweet about it, I needed to know more.

I read about the event in 2008 and knew immediately that I wanted to attend, no matter what. Then as I read a little more I knew I *really* wanted to attend but as I am not a conventional sex blogger, I worried that the fit might not be right. And their session topics? As much as I’d like to think that I’m evolved and educated, the truth is, not so much. I mean seriously, fat chick like me at an event with people like Audacia Ray, Catalina, and Ellie Lumpesse? Yeah right. So I put it on my back burner.

Time passed and more updates came. I mulled it over, subscribed to the Google group and let it settle in for a few days. I did an intro and expressed that I had no real experiences, so even if I attended it would be as an observer, not as someone who actually had something to say.

I registered for Sex 2.0 mere minutes ago. I reserved two tickets, one for The Knight and one for myself. Whether I have anything to say or anything of value to add, this is an event that I want to attend. I want to hear what the fabulously evolved and educated individuals have to say. I want to walk away knowing that I learned something new, something that I can carry into the rest of my life and apply that knowledge accordingly and (hopefully) for the greater good.

Some of the people you will find at Sex 2.o 2009

• Audacia Ray
• CARAS
• Cunning Minx
• Elizabeth Wood
• Ellie Lumpesse
• Erik Van Riper
• Match
• Melissa Gira
• Nikol Hasler
• NoVaHedonist
• Renegade Evolution
• Sabrina Morgan
• Viviane

So won’t you take the time and spend the weekend in with me in Washington D.C.? (Not for me, but for all the people listed above!)

Email this post

When I first posted about the state of our union, I intentionally skipped over the whole sex and physical intimacy aspect. I couldn’t write about it because it hurt too much. Even now it’s not easy to write. It’s not easy to admit it to myself or to the world at large.

Some of you may remember that this started out as a D/s relationship. He called himself a dominant man and he said he was looking for a submissive woman. I wanted to be with a man who was a man, someone who could appreciate me as a woman. I wanted to do all the things that a woman does to make her man feel like the sexy, virile, in charge individual that he is.

Less than three months into it and I was topping from the bottom (at least from my perspective). He didn’t tell me what he wanted. He had absolutely no expectations of me outside of the oral and anal sex when he demanded it. I cleaned the house. I made the bed. I prepared his meals. I shaved the fertile delta and wore sexy lingerie. I made sure that I kept my submissive self in top condition should his dominant self decide to make an appearance.

We have rope in our closet that has never been used. My collar has been packed away for almost two years and has never been spoken of. He talks to his best friend who is active in the lifestyle and he pretends that we have a D/s relationship but we most certainly do not.

I don’t think he ever wanted a D/s relationship. He just wanted a partner that would do her fair share; someone who would be an adult and help him out once in a while. I think the fact that he never had to say anything to me about cleaning the house or doing the laundry was a relief. He didn’t have to pretend to be dominant and we didn’t have to argue about anything because I didn’t mind being his partner.

Our sex life is what it is. He loves foreplay so long as he is on the receiving end. If I am licking and touching and paying attention to his cock then it’s all fine and good. We all know that he won’t go down on me because “it’s not his thing” and that’s okay but what about some hands on stimulation? How about some hot dirty talk?

Nada.

Unless he is talking about me being with another woman. Then he has all sorts of things to say. On and on he goes and he doesn’t even notice that I’m not wet. He does what he is going to do and that is that.

In an argument the other night he remarked that he fucks me just to shut me up so he can get on to something enjoyable. I couldn’t believe that the same man who tells me I’m beautiful and sexy and seductive was the same man who told me that he only fucks me to shut me up. I just sobbed because how can argue against that kind of honesty?

I know I”m no Miss America. I know that I have lumps and bumps and wobbly bits galore. I know that I’m not every mans fantasy. But I don’t understand why he says he enjoys me or desires me if he doesn’t. And for crying out loud, if he doesn’t want to have sex once in a blue moon why doesn’t he just say so??

:::sigh:::

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I took my vows seriously; I meant what I said when I said “I do” but none of this is what I agreed to.

Email this post

If you’ve read here for any length of time there is no doubt that you are aware of the fact that I’m married. You also know that it was a long time coming, the ring and the proposal, then the actual marriage. I spent years hoping and praying that one day The Knight would finally marry me.

Knowing that I have probably written about our relationship with little more than passing honesty, I have decided to set the record straight. Please know that it has taken me a long time to get to this point. I never in my life could have imagined that something that was seemingly perfect would end up being the hardest thing ever to be a part of on a day to day basis.

There are moments when his tenderness takes my breath away. His smile and his gentle words envelope me and warm me like the sweet summer sun. His arms encircle me and I can’t help but feel safe, as if our relationship will never be anything other than a marriage made in Heaven. In those moments it is so easy to see why I feel as if I’m about to take flight.

Then it happens like it always does and we fight like the worst enemies. Small skirmishes develop into full world wars and the gloves are off. Accusations fly about perceived unfairness in the way we treat the children, about how I have come between him and his sons. I can’t help but cry as I look at him with new eyes. How can this be the same man who swears I am the very definition of perfection? How can he scream about how he can’t stand me, how he would love to slash his wrists just to escape me when only moments before he was swearing I was the best thing that had ever happened to him?

When the dust settles and the smoke clears my heart is battered and bruised. Thought of suicide tumble around inside my brain and self-hatred settles in like a long lost friend. It used to be that it would go away after a day, maybe two. Now, it’s a constant companion- the only one I have it seems. I cry and I write, desperate to figure out which one of us is right and which one of us is wrong. I question every action, every word that has passed between us and I call into question my own feelings and emotions.

I always thought that love, true love, was supposed to lift you up. I believed that the love of the right man could set you free and help you to see yourself in a new and positive light. I used to think that five dollar words and compliments from the man of your dreams would work their magic and you would go on to live happily ever after.

Then I fell in love, head over heels, foolishly and wholly in love.

Now I know that the love of a man isn’t all its cracked up to be. It’s pain and heart break. It’s self-doubt and self-hatred all wrapped up in a gorgeous blue-eyed package. It’s a mindfuck of the very worst sort that leaves you in a sobbing pile on the blood drenched bathroom tile because cutting is the only way to know that you’re still alive.

I know marriage is hard. I know that there are ups and downs; highs and lows. I know that life and stress and world events can upset the delicate balance. But why does he have to be so angry all the time? If he’s not happy and he wants out, why doesn’t he just go? Surely being left is better and would hurt less than living a lie day after day while it slowly tears me apart from the inside out. I can’t be the only one who realizes and accepts this as the truth, can I?

I have no ides where to go or what to do. He has stayed with me despite the whole cancer thing. He’s taken care of me the best way he knows how, provided food and shelter and help with the most basic of things. I can’t help but feel as if I owe him to some extent. Just not at the expense of myself and my well-being. I don’t believe that I am in the wrong by drawing a line at mental and emotional abuse when I can see the effect it’s having on me and the people I love (the children).

So there you have it.

I’m sorry that I have painted a less than accurate picture of the way things are. I guess I was hoping for things to improve. Maybe I believed that whisful thinking would be more than enough. Either way, now you all know the true state of our union. {I intentionally left the whole sex and D/s things to put into a post of their own because they need a place with plenty of space.}

Email this post

Somewhere in the house there are other people; people with voices and thoughts and feelings but I can’t be bothered with them. Not now. Not today.

The headache is raging out of control. I wish for relief and find little in a small white pill placed on my tongue and swallowed down with Mountain Dew. Maybe if I could silence the voice, the internal commentary that runs on endlessly. Maybe then I could relax and free myself from hellish pain. No migraine ever hurt as bad as this.

This week it seems that I’ve barely been hanging on or hanging in. Sick kids, The Knight working from home and on almost constant teleconferences (yes, he extended his work from home time and it is a mixed blessing) and my father having surgery. Add the news that my aunt is terminal, my grandmother is worse, and the monthly heating bill was astronomical and one can see why I might be a wee bit stressed.

Only in the middle of the night does it seem I may find relief. The day’s over and the house falls silent. Only the sound of the T passing outside the door can be heard. I snuggle beneath the comforter and lose myself in his arms, content for a moment to be as close as two people can be.

The pain medicine begins to work just as his mouth finds mine. His fingertips stroke my skin, inviting a response. My mouth opens and soon my thighs follow. For a moment I am hopeful, thinking that maybe tonight is the night that it will happen the way I wish it would; without prompting or begging and without a fight.

He moves and positions us both, his hips against my bottom. His cock is hard and I know that once more he is ready while I am only just getting started. I sigh as he enters me, as he barely notices the fact that I’m not wet. I close my eyes and focus on the image in my mind, think of a time and place where sex was good and fulfilling.

He finishes with a low sigh and a squeeze of my buttocks. He presses his lips to the small of my back and whispers his love. With a smile and a “Love you, too” I slide out of bed as he slides back into his boxers.

In the bathroom, in the dark I find what I want and what I need. I empty myself, cleanse myself of his come, and I silently begin to cry. Finally I can breathe; at long last my world- my mind -is quiet.

Email this post

I want to grab him from his chair, take him by the hand and lead him to bed. I want to throw back the comforter and strip off our clothes in record time, in the still of this cold and snowy winter night. I want to press my body against his and kiss him like he hasn’t been kissed in far too long.

And when I have him naked, just where I want him…

I want to take him in my mouth and bring him to his knees. I want to pleasure him fully and completely, to have his moans and pleas fill our temporary bedroom. I want his hands tangled in my hair, pulling me further onto his cock just as he finishes, flooding my throat with his sticky sweetness.

Then I want to kiss him once more and beg him to join me as we try like hell to put the X in sex.

{Addendum: I was fortunate enough to steal him away last night and did just what I wanted to do- except the sex part. He came while I held his cock deep in my throat and almost immediately upon finishing proceeded to fall asleep. Very little satisfaction for this sex blogger!}

Email this post