Tuesday February 19, 2008

I am sorry that I have not written before this. Well, I have written, but they’re tucked safely in the back of our wardrobe and they began long before you were my husband. The notebook is pink and on the hard cover is the word Love in a beautiful piece of handwriting that I am sad to say is not my own.

Why then am I writing here?

You told me that love letters were meant to be shared or they never really exist. You said they were meant to be revealed and enjoyed. So, I’m starting here with the revelations should you ever decide to visit. Even if it’s long after I’m dead, I hope you will visit and read. It is what I have wished for since the day I started blogging.

I am going to end now to join you in bed. After all, your arms around me in the still of the night is the only thing I really need at this ungodly hour. Never forget that I love you.

~yours~

Friday February 29, 2008

I don’t know if I ever thanked you properly for taking me to see P.S. I Love You. By now I know how much you hate anything even remotely close to a chick flick, but you did it for me anyway. When you held my hand and made me stay, when you insisted that I finish it no matter how much I’d cried in the first ten minutes, I couldn’t have possibly loved you more.

That night in the back of that theater I fell more in love with you than I ever thought possible. The way you wiped away my tears and slipped your arms around me as I cried is forever cemented in my memory. On the last day of my life the movies of my mind will play and there that one scene will be.

Like the main character of the movie, I’m so sorry that we never had a child together. Remember the time when we first got together before we knew about the cancer that we thought I might be pregnant? I wanted so badly to be. When I found out that I wasn’t and that I never would be my heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces. Until that moment I never even realized that I might have actually wanted a baby, your baby, growing inside of me.

I’m sorry we met so late. I’m sorry for all the missed opportunities and mistakes that happened. If I could go back, I’d wish for meeting you sooner…before the mistakes and before the things that happened that left us no alternatives. I’d wish for a child, the best of the two of us to live and breathe.

Right now, I simply love you. From your messy morning hair to the top of your manly man feet, it’s all about you. It’s your name that my heart whispers with each and every beat.

~yours~

Thursday August 07, 2008

How can I ever thank you for all the wonderful things you have given me? I’m not talking about the diamonds or the sex, though those are things girls dream of. I’m talking about the love and all that entails.

From day one you have encouraged me to write. You have told me when it was awful and you have shown me ways to make the words my very own instead of what others dictate they be. The patience and the understanding have been unwavering and your guidance absolutely unparalleled.

Lately it seems that we’re growing. Not growing apart like some couples. We’re growing together and healing a little more each and every single day. I can’t begin to tell you what an amazing feeling it is.

So thank you, once again, for loving me.

~yours~

Thursday August 21, 2008

I am so in love with you that my heart aches. And just when I think I couldn’t possibly love you any more than I do, you awaken at three in the morning to hold me while my body convulses and I wet our bed. when it’s over, that is when I know that I love you more, my beautiful beautiful man.

~yours~

Friday September 19, 2008

I just had to let you know that you are on my mind. Days like today, when we’re out of touch because of meetings and appointments, are tough. I have become so accustomed to being with you always. When I’m not, it feels like something is missing, like I’m not whole.

We’ve had some awesome talks lately. About silly things and about not so silly things. It feels good to be us, to laugh and talk, to share special moments.

Thank you for taking such good care of me, for loving me so completely. (Though I really do love you more! *wink*)

~yours~

Friday December 05, 2008

It’s been a while, so I thought I would let you know what I’ve been thinking about. Hold on to your seart, because you won;t believe what you’re about to hear.

Usually I hate Christmas. The holidays are awful and I would give anything to let them pass quietly. Usually. This year it’s different.

I am holding on so tightly to the miracles and the magic of the season. With your arms around me, with our children and our families near, I find myself settling into this Christmas season.

Thank you for giving the magic back. Thank you for clearing the grey in my heart and freeing my inner child. Thank you for all the love and Christmas pleasure you’ve given me.

I am hoping and praying for many, many more.

~yours~

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